When will it sink in?

(Saturday, 30 May 2009)

When will it sink in, and what will it mean?

Places pass by. People too. As do the feelings and thoughts that came with them.

I’m at the point when one has gotten used to being travelling. You don’t count how many days have passed anymore, or how many may eventually be left.

You’ve gotten used to just be on the move to the next thing. The ripples of the last experience are still trembling in your mind, but you already are setting your gear and going to the next stop. Chosen the day before, or even that same day, at the bus station. That last indecision around two or three possibilities solved like you would be tossing a coin.

This means you can move on without fully interiorising what you’ve just gone through. Of course you think about it, you analyse it, but often these things take some time to be fully digested. But you’re travelling – and thus on the move – and when you notice it you already are thinking of the following experience, not the one before. And then comes the next. And the next. And that very first experience is already too low on the pile of events for you to really get back to it.

And then you remember a certain moment of the trip that happened quite a while ago – two or three months might have passed. You happen to revisit a picture, or be at a place that triggers your memory. And you notice you haven’t thought about it since then. Or of so special it was.

It makes me wonder: when will all these experiences truly sink in? When will I be able to revisit them all, perhaps like you do in the photogram of a movie?

And how will it feel? What will it mean?